Tom has “issues” (family code word for “psychiatric impairments”). He has a psychiatrist. Who is wonderful. She is constantly helping us troubleshoot, adjust medications to fit symptoms. She makes referrals as appropriate, consults with other professionals, etc. All under the constraints of the already overburdened VA medical system. Did I say that she is wonderful?
We saw her on Monday. She was troubled by Tom’s newest crisis and trying to help sort through it. Her first suggestion: “Drink warm milk before bed. The tryptophan is very calming.” I pointed out that he already drinks almost a gallon of milk a day. (He disputes this, but the evidence is clear when consumption is halved during his extended absences.) “Oh” she says. She brightens with a new brilliant idea, “maybe we could try some prn Thorazine”.
Perfect, I thought, I’ll just dope him up when the going gets tough, he can calm down, sleep it off and it won’t really be like adding another regular major drug to his already major drug cocktail. We will be careful and use it only prn “as needed”. She orders 10 pills to be mailed to us. Then frowns. The computer is issuing a “critical warning”. It might be too dangerous to mix Thorazine with the other meds. She consults books, on-line warnings, finally calling the pharmacy. They call her back, apparently there are cardiac implications for the proposed mixture. That won’t do. She cancels the computer order. Back to the drawing board. He can’t take Valium, or Xanax because of the respiratory risks. Hmm…what to do? At this point we have been there for over an hour. She becomes aware of the time.
She brightens again. “I know” she says, with a perky little chirp that makes us think she might have found a solution for Global Warming. She looks at us and beams. We lean forward. She raises both arms upward with a gesture that says “This is It“.
What? What is it? Striking herself on the forehead, like why didn’t I think of this before…”Herbal Tea!!!” Huh? “Go to the store, find some herbal tea that doesn’t actually contain tea leaves. Read the labels. No real tea leaves. When you feel really stressed out, make some herbal tea and drink it. There. See you (consults paper) next month?”
We were done. Just like that. The prescription for acute, psychotic induced anxiety? Herbal tea. (Read the label). Are you following this? First it was warm milk, then Thorazine (prn), finally landing at (ready?) HERBAL TEA!! We have been so dumb.
What did we do? We went to the store, headed over to the herbal tea section and read labels. Tom settled on a “Blueberry Herbal Tea”. Just in case, we got a back up “Apple Cinnamon” and I promised that I had some Peppermint at home. Three choices. I refilled my stash of Ginger Tea. (I think that it calms my prone-to-ulcers stomach – but that might just be all in my head). We had a cart full of herbal teas. No one can say we didn’t take her seriously.
We went home and Tom made us both a “cuppa”. To our amazement, he really liked the Blueberry Tea. Didn’t feel any calmer, but he really liked it.
